{She Said} The Days of My Life

This is going to be a bit of a rambler but you will laugh, cry, maybe yawn… you just never know with me. So here goes- last couple days with Jen.

So I am a stay-at-home wife right now. I do like it but with it only being my summer occupation, I have a hard time sinking fully into this role. However, I get up every morn with The Man. We have a bit of breakfast together and then off he goes and I figure out what my day is going to look like. I miss him. He makes all trivial activities more fun and entertaining but alas, he has to go and I have to stay. I aim to have done something to wow him by the time he gets home every day. Organize this. Fix that. Shower. You know, whatever works. I am lucky that he is so easily wowed by me.

I have been doing a lot of lunches. Yesterday, I hosted one at my home. For summer, I pulled out the Americana/ 4th of July decorations a few weeks ago so we are relatively festive there and that provided the backdrop for the luncheon décor. As I was preparing the house for guests… actually, as a side note here, I would like to talk about my personal Jekyll and Hyde. When preparing my house for guests I have the side of me that tells me that my house is never clean enough because it is not pristine in every corner and then the more rational side that can step back, look at it and say it’s good enough. I hope my “good enough” doesn’t gross people out. I hope my house gives the impression of being clean and well put together. Anyway, these are things I think about- more than I should. So, as I was preparing the house for guests, I went to open the blinds a bit and the whole stinkin’ thing fell on my head. Ask and you shall receive- the blinds were now more open than I ever could have expected. Yay.

For lunch, I served Caesar salad, baked potatoes topped with pulled pork and broccoli, and banana pudding for dessert (we have been big into banana pudding in my house lately- I secretly call it monkey pudding in my head but that sounds gross when it comes out of my mouth so now you all know and when I say banana pudding you can translate it into monkey pudding in your head and it doesn’t have to be said). I love setting up a table for a meal. I love how a table looks all set up for a meal. That being said, I keep place settings pretty simple and I would like to make this a social call out- when setting a table, I ONLY put out the silverware, drink ware, dishware, etc that is necessary for what is being eaten. Even if it is a nice meal, a table can be over done (but of course that is only my opinion). In honor of my mother-in-law, I put out two napkins because I used the little simple paper ones and she told me once that she prefers a bit more napkin than those provide and so now I try to be a little more sensitive to providing just enough napkin for my guests.

It was fun sitting around at a luncheon with my friends. It made me feel very grown up and very blessed to have such good friends at work. I have certainly had times in the past when I didn’t feel like I had many friends at work so that makes me a lot more appreciative of the friends I have now.

After lunch, I joined Matt and Carla and read while they studied- you got the post yesterday so I think enough said. I am reading The Shack by William P. Young. It has some really good points and really helps understanding of big concepts but I will get back to you at the end on my overall feelings about the book.

As the evening rolled in, I ended up having a pretty good bout of feeling bad about myself. My hair is too thin… I am too fat… I am lazy… I need to be more diligent about working on organizing the house… I’m not a good friend… I need to be nicer… I don’t pray enough… I’m too selfish… on and on and on. I just laid in bed, in the dark, and unabashedly went to that place. Then Matt came in and laid down next to me and listened while I cried. He knew I would get past it. He know where all of this comes from and as hormones for the month subside I will realize that this is not the person I am. But he listens and doesn’t judge me and assures me of his disagreement with my statements while acknowledging how I feel. That helps. It helps to just talk about it. And now I’m over it. This is one of those things that I hope if you have times like that, it gives you some peace knowing that I do too. Sounds like a sick statement but (unless you think I am crazy) maybe it will help you know that the moment will pass for you too and that you aren’t (too) crazy. Until that next moment of self-doubt. Here’s to liking myself again!

Today I took Capri for her monthly injection and then went to get supplies to make Rachel’s bridal shower invitations. Watch out! It’s going to be a bute! Upon completion and delivery, I will post their amazingness but I’ll tell you now- they are going to take longer than anything I have ever made. A labor of true love. My love for my Rachel. If you are reading this, I’ll do it for you too- if you have endured this post, you are probably someone I love too.