{She Said} Trying to Get Pregnant

Some know this, some don’t but this new little guy on the way… we worked, prayed, and hoped for him for right at a year. We started “trying” to get pregnant in May of 2013 and got pregnant May of 2014. I had actually, just weeks before the positive test, visited the doctor to talk about the next steps in this journey because the year mark would put us in an infertility category. We had plans to go in for blood work at the start of my next cycle and then to start taking fertility medicine to try to boost the process along. It was a complicated plan that I struggled to keep up with, but I accepted that at every visit I would ask what I was to do at the next visit and proceed from there. Matt, being relatively anti-medication, was not thrilled but was as on board as he could be. As I mentioned before, two weeks after the doctor’s appointment, Matt, Zach (who didn’t really know what was going on but always likes to party), and I celebrated when we found out that the medication process wouldn’t be necessary- that our time had come and another little Gilpin was on the way.

Funny thing- trying to get pregnant. Just like many other things I choose to share about, people don’t like to talk about trying to get pregnant until they are pregnant. I guess I am in this boat, in that, I am just now blogging about it but I will say that about 4 months into trying, I did start talking about it a lot. I realized that the process of “trying” had gotten all caught up in a sense of failure for me and it was starting to create an unhealthy stigma in my psyche. We can focus on that negativity not being good for my body and, thus, probably not helping the whole fertility thing along. But also, it should be said that, my constant prayer during that time of “trying” was to have peace with God’s timing (rather than my own) being perfect- to accept that this just wasn’t the right thing or timing for my family. Having a baby isn’t like buying a car it is a family altering event and it requires perfect timing. It wasn’t a failure.

So I started talking about it. Sometimes I would be able to be really breezy about it and really cool with the fact that it just wasn’t the right time for us yet. Other times I would tear up and make the other person (who had innocently asked about whether we would have more children and gotten a little more info than they probably wanted) uncomfortable as they reassured me that it would happen. But if you know me, you know that “it will happen” didn’t go over well with me so that started a whole new conversation because, no, it wasn’t necessarily going to happen. That’s what I was struggling with. It wasn’t that it bothered me how long it was taking. It bothered me (and my controlling little mind) that I didn’t know IF it would happen. But that’s just life. And that’s faith. And so we went on. 

I chose to pour myself into really enjoying the extra time for just the three of us. I embraced being able to pick up and play with my son without the physical limitations of pregnancy. I took advantage of having an independent-ish three-year-old that can do things by himself rather than relying on me for everything.

And that gave me some freedom.

Most of the time.

I still struggled every month with finding out that, again, we weren’t pregnant. But it got better faster and I was able to regain a sense of peace faster. It still wasn’t easy. But it was in perspective. And I embraced that time in my life.

Then came that morning in May. Zach woke up (uncharacteristically) early so I went upstairs and brought him down to get in bed with daddy. I took my test. And that second line popped up faster than I could put the stick down. I came out shaking my head, looked at Matt, and said, “you’re never going to believe it.” And then I told my Zachy that he was going to be the best brother in the whole wide world.

We are very blessed. And His timing is perfect.